At first, she was wonderful but now you worry she’s trying into a toxic girlfriend. How do you know? Understand the toxic girlfriend signs and get out!
Sometimes we act a certain way because of the past. Things happen and they change us. Then, you might end up exhibiting toxic behaviors without actually realizing what you’re doing. Of course, it could also be that you’re in a relationship with a toxic girlfriend and that’s simply the way she is.
Maybe you didn’t see it at first but now her true colors are showing. Whatever the background or reason, it’s important to know the signs of a toxic girlfriend so you can either address the issue and try to change it, or get the hell on out of there!
You might not want to believe that your girlfriend is acting in a toxic way but if she’s showing the key signs and it’s making you miserable, surely you need to do something?
Relationships are supposed to be loving and enjoyable. They’re not supposed to be an up and down rollercoaster ride full of emotions that swing from one end of the spectrum to the other. [Read: 15 signs of a toxic relationship that’ll go from bad to worse]
What is a toxic girlfriend?
A toxic girlfriend isn’t always a bad human being, but she is someone who is inherently filled with flaws and wrong ideas about love. Her expectations, her willingness to share and give in the relationship, and her needs in love are totally unrealistic and out of balance. She expects a lot, but gives very little in return.
A toxic girlfriend could be a great person, or even a very good friend. But when a girl has a skewed notion about love and relationships, it inherently shows in the way she behaves with her boyfriend or partner. And eventually, what could have been a perfect relationship leaves her and you frustrated, angry, and totally miserable!
Can a toxic girlfriend change?
This is a key question. If you notice that your girlfriend is showing the signs of a toxic girlfriend, will the situation ever improve?
The answer is that it can, but it really depends upon the girl.
If she’s a truly toxic girlfriend, then those habits could be so ingrained in her personality that it’s impossible for her to change. In that situation, you’re looking at the end of the road if you actually want to have a healthy and happy relationship.
However, if she’s acting a certain way because she’s upset by something or because something in the past has caused her to be a certain way, these are things that can be changed.
In order to create that change, you need to sit down and have an open, honest, and blame-free conversation. [Read: How to have difficult conversations without losing your nerve]
It’s not going to be an easy chat. You need to make sure that you don’t fire the finger of blame at her and make her feel like she’s a terrible girlfriend. Remember, she might not realize that she’s turning into a toxic girlfriend.
Use “I” statements, such as “I feel”, rather than “You do this, you do that”. If she’s invested in the relationship, she’ll want to work with you to make a change. You’ll need to support her and be understanding, but there is a chink of hope on the horizon.
The main signs of a toxic girlfriend to look out for
Maybe she’s not ready for a healthy relationship right now, maybe she’s totally unaware of what she’s doing. But, she needs to do some soul searching.
If you see these signs in her, this doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. However, it does mean you should avoid going into a relationship with her, or you need to have a conversation if you’re already in deep. [Read: 15 scary signs you’re in a toxic relationship that’s breaking you]
1. She believes that love is the most important thing in the world
When you first readthat, you might be wondering how that can be a bad thing, but wait a second. She doesn’t believe she can be happy unless she finds herself someone to be with.
For her, love is the biggest goal in her life. And this can place her in positions of being with people she doesn’t truly love. It’s a desperate kind of goal and one that means she’s likely to become needy and very clingy.
2. Her idea of love is very shallow
When you ask her about love and what she thinks of it, her answers are shallow. Her idea of love is based on what she’s seen on TV or read in romance books. There’s not a strong sense of reality in her definition.
She doesn’t talk about the struggles and obstacles people in relationships need to work through. That means your relationship is going to be rocky from the start because she doesn’t know what she’s getting into. [Read: What is love? How to recognize it when you see it]
3. She lets go of her boundaries too easily
She has boundaries, but they’re all over the place. No one really knows what she wants or what she’s looking for because she doesn’t even know herself.
Her boundaries are inconsistent, which is what brings on the drama and causes you a major issue from the very start.
4. Her view of what a relatonship should be is very unrealistic
She wants to be chased by a man in the rain or proposed to on a baseball field after two dates. She’s watched way too many Disney films and she doesn’t have realistic views of love going on in her head.
She lives in her imagination, loving the drama and fantasy of what she sees in chick flicks.Of course, it’s not possible to recreate these images in a real and meaningful way. That’s not what love is about so your relationship is never going to really click and be about anything more than make-believe. [Read: 18 tips to fall in love slowly like you’re in a fairy tale]
5. She hasn’t learned from her past
She makes the same mistakes over and over again. If you ask about her dating history, you’ll notice all her stories have the same plot.
Her ex treated her badly, yet, she never mentions her own behavior or responsibility in the relationship. [Read: 18 sure signs the girl you like is just using you!]
6. She craves and loves attention
Actually, it’s not that she loves it; she needs it. If she’s always texting you or calling you a couple of times a day, she’s craving attention. This is because she’s empty inside and needs something to fill herself.
Instead of self-reflecting, she looks outwards. Again, you’re looking at a pretty needy girlfriend coming your way and it’s one of the toxic girlfriend signs you need to be on the lookout for.
7. The smallest thing feels like the end of the world
She lost her earring or accidentally tripped going up the stairs – either of those actions would destroy her day. When things don’t go according to plan, she can’t handle it. She struggles to adapt to situations that aren’t flowing exactly how she pictured them. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs]
8. She has a history of dating men who trigger her issues
She just can’t get enough of them! Of course, she chooses these types of guys because this is what she knows. The emotionally distant ones, the abusive men, these are the types of people she goes to because they’re also toxic.
She might not be aware that she’s actually doing it, but she simply pushes herself back into the same negative situations time and time again.
9. She falls deep, very fast
She gives all of herself into her relationships, even to the point where she doesn’t know who she is. And the reason is that she doesn’t have a strong sense of self from the outset.
When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to lose yourself in someone else’s hands. She wants to spend every moment with her partner, never letting them go.
10. She lacks self-awareness
If she was aware of herself, she wouldn’t keep dating the same guys over and over again. But toxic girls lack this self-awareness, always falling into their old ways. This goes beyond her dating life.
This lack of self-awareness runs through all aspects of her life and it’s going to cause you some pretty big problems over time. [Read: How to be yourself – 14 steps to unfake your life and love being you]
11. She relies on her partner for self-esteem
On her own, she has very little self-worth or respect for herself. But if her partner thinks she’s beautiful, then she is. She depends on her partner for her own self-validation, and that’s a scary thing.
Without a partner by her side, she questions who she is and her worth in the world. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure]
12. Nothing you do is good enough
You could give her the world, and she still wouldn’t be impressed. This is because, for toxic women, nothing is good enough for them.
They keep wanting more and more, yet they don’t understand why they’re not happy. She has an emptiness inside of her that cannot be filled with outside people or objects.
13. She doesn’t understand how to compromise
Relationships are about compromise and if you’re with a girl who simply doesn’t know what the word means, it’s not going to go well.
A toxic girlfriend wants everything her way and will not bend in any way, shape, or form. There will be no meeting you halfway or doing what you want to do on one occasion and what she wants the next. It’s all about her. [Read: How to compromise in a relationship and not feel like you lost out]
14. Her opinion is worth much more than yours
This isn’t just one of the signs of a toxic girlfriend, it’s one of the signs of a narcissist! If your opinion is worth nothing and hers is basically the truth, the way it is, then you need to start questioning your part in this relationship.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and it should be respected and considered. If she’s not willing to do this, she’s toxic.
15. She would much rather argue than talk
Every couple argues occasionally, but if every single conversation you try to have ends in a row, there’s something very wrong.
One of the signs of a toxic girlfriend is that she would rather argue and shout over you than sit down and have a grown-up conversation. She’s not good at communication at all and that is just going to signal the end of your relationship pretty quickly. [Read: Relationship arguments – 23 do’s and don’ts to remember]
16. She deflects conversations about her feelings
She just can’t talk about her feelings or reasons for doing something. Instead, she deflects and either turns the situation around on you or turns to humor instead.
She’s terrible at communication and there may be an underlying reason why, but can you handle waiting for her to share it? If she can’t talk about how she feels at any point, you’re looking at a toxic girlfriend.
17. She’s super-materialistic
To her, looks are everything. She has to have the latest gadget, the best car, the best looking partner, basically the best of everything. She wants people to turn and think “wow, look at her” and be envious of the things she has and how she looks.
She’s not that interested in personality and depth. A materialistic relationship is going to fizzle out pretty quickly. [Read: 16 things you need to give up to have a happier life]
We can all be slightly toxic sometimes
If you’re nodding along to one or two of these signs shown occasionally, it’s nothing to worry about. We can all be a little toxic occasionally. However, if you notice that these signs come your way regularly or there are more than just one or two, you need to seriously consider your next move.
Do you want to stay in a relationship with a girl who’s toxic? If you sit down and talk to your girlfriend, do you think it will change anything? Only you know the answer, but never stick around and put up with a situation that simply drips in toxicity.